things.1

I have a feeling that every post on here might be “well… time to try thing this again!” so I’ll leave that out…

I used to do these lists on Facebook where I would just talk about the random goings on in my day. I want to bring that back, but maybe on this site instead. or both. who knows.

  • I did yoga today and it brought back some zen. it’s been just over 2 weeks since I was laid off from work, so a little zen is much needed. today is the first day since then where I’ve been home but haven’t felt like much of the day is spent lounging around. I feel productive and the yoga helped bring me back to center. (look up “yoga with Adriene” on youtube. she’s amazing and there are a few ’30 days of  yoga’ challenges I would like to try)
  • Auggie was just asleep in the kitchen and I heard him having a bad dream, so I called him over. He’s asleep on my leg as I type this. I took him to the car wash and Starbucks drive thru earlier today and he’s finally being a little less of an asshole.
  • I think the bullet journaling is going well. I made a habit tracker for September that I’m pretty excited to get to. I think being more thorough will help me be more centered, as well.
  • I’m going to be leaving soon to go pick up boyfriend. It will be nice to have some human interaction again. Fuck, that’s morbid, but kind of accurate. I’ve been texting a few friends, but I guess it’s just not quite the same.

Reflecting on things I had posted over a year ago, I’m kind of surprised how little my mindset has changed since then. I think that’s the beginning of my current mindset, but it’s still interesting that it hasn’t changed too much since then. It was a few months after the posts here that I was asked to write for Total MLS, which started my whole press box adventure. This was the easiest 350 words I’ve ever written.

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Gotta be practical

5 a day – Challenge. 

Is it ridiculous that my first pick was crab? If I’m on a deserted island… I assume crab and seafood would be somewhat accessible. 

My five:

(Trying to balance out things dietarily…)

1. Chicken – eggs for days

2. Apples- plant them seeds and get apples for days. 

3. Cocoa- I cannot live without some sort of chocolate. 

4 Coffee beans- I cannot live without some sort of coffee. 

5. Cauliflower- my latest obsession. 
Did I just make the dumbest list? I think I just listed off what I take with me to work almost daily… Well. Hard boiled eggs. Not actually chickens, dummy. 

Let’s try this again.

I want to do things with my sense of humor. I think I’m hillarious. Well. Pretty funny at least. No. Hillarious. I need to learn to give myself more credit for things.

Today at work I had someone treat me like their secretary. I just kind of gave her an attitude and said I had my own things to do. I’m not going to let that happen. I want to look for a new job. Maybe something part time so I can go back to school. Maybe I want to try something completely different with my life.

I got my tattoo 2 days ago. I already feel cooler. Is that a thing? I want more. I love that I’m learning to love myself and figure out who I am. I’m proud of being known as a tough cookie. I’ve gone through my shit, now it’s time to reap the benefits: I’m a fucking badass and I don’t give myself credit for it. Time to dress well all the time. Always have awesome make up (Lord knows I pay enough for it). Put myself out there instead of feeding other people my jokes. I’m well supported by an amazing guy who makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. And then when I thank him for supporting me he just responds that I should always be my own person and that I can do anything that I want. Man. He’s amazing. I’m lucky.

Okay no more feels. Barf. I gotta go do this whole tattoo cleaning regimen. I get to use lotion today. I’ve never been more excited for that in my life. Oh except for aloe vera after getting burnt. That happened. But maybe I can get full ROM of my arm soon!

Xo

-B

Things are good. 

I always feel like I have to take a moment to appreciate when things are really good in my life. I got to run again yesterday. I got a little bit of a headache, but it could have been from dehydration. It definitely wasn’t as bad as before my surgery. 

My boyfriend keeps me happy. I’m just really content with our relationship and how we can just do nothing and be perfectly fine. The best was him taking care of me after my surgery. Literally feeding me soup, setting up the pillows for me to be propped up while I slept, but he slept in the corner of the bed away from me so he wouldn’t accidentally hit me in my sleep (but still held my hand a few times during the night when I needed it). Did the dishes for the first few days and bought me more food when I needed it. We were talking about a mask for me to play soccer with and he said he hopes it works for my “cute little face”. I know that’s nothing, but random compliments are the best. We seem so different, but we work so well. He has a dj gig this Saturday that I’m looking forward to. He’s honestly way too cool for me. 

I should look into taking some classes at a Jc to get pre-reqs for grad school out of the way. I want to go back to school, but I’m not sure exactly what I want to do. Maybe I could become an EHS for myself. It’s not the same as AT by any stretch of the imagination, but I can help people stay safe. That’s always been my passion. 

The halls here are dangerous. There’s a bowl of tempting candy on the way to the bathrooms. I’m trying to stay hydrated today so I’m making more trips to the bathrooms. So danger. I’ve already given in today. :¥

A day in the life

Keeping this open today and just adding the thoughts in my head that make me laugh. 

  • *typing in all caps accidentally* “Why are you yelling at meeeee?!”
  • Having a DJ boyfriend has its perks… I’m getting song suggestions left and right for my work playlist

Okay so this didn’t go as planned. Maybe I’ll post them as I think of them. 

list.

  • I want to learn American Sign Language
  • I want to keep updating my wardrobe
  • I want to learn how to do my make up properly
  • I want to make new friends
  • I want my current friends to always feel loved
  • I want a tattoo or two
  • I want to learn to get my lipstick to stay
  • I want to read 20 books this year
  • I want to stop negative self talk
  • I want to go back to school
  • I want to be able to speak up instead of feeding jokes to people to say for me
  • I want to keep being happy in whatever way that means
  • Always changing, but always improving

start.

that flashing line. what to write? what to say?

I’m using this space as a place to let it out. to let my mind just go wherever it wants. finally getting my maiden name back after dealing with emotional trauma that was in that relationship and forgetting the shitty things he and his family said to me without feeling guity. figuring out what i want in my relationship with my dad, who also emotionally abused me growing up. loneliness from starting over with new friends in a new chapter of my life. learning to speak for myself when I never have before. building confidence to tell people to fuck off when they deserve it, and to do it tactfully when necessary. goals. maybe i’m funny. maybe i can do something with that. hermitting too hard due to self doubt.

i can give my opinions in a tactful way, regardless of how it will be received. arguments about politics and social issues always make me shy away. i’m a white female, maybe my opinion will offend someone. no. i am a good person with an open mind and am capable of speaking my mind. i am struggling with these discussions on facebook especially. friends are posting racist things and i respond to a point, but i just stop. should i keep arguing? should i keep voicing my opinion when the other person just obviously doesnt get it? i will stand up for black lives matter. i will stand up for women being treated poorly because they’re women. maybe i can find a meme/photo that represents me being upset because the person speaking is a moron. use my awkwardness to portray my displeasure. i just have to be able to support what im saying with words i guess.