Things are good. 

I always feel like I have to take a moment to appreciate when things are really good in my life. I got to run again yesterday. I got a little bit of a headache, but it could have been from dehydration. It definitely wasn’t as bad as before my surgery. 

My boyfriend keeps me happy. I’m just really content with our relationship and how we can just do nothing and be perfectly fine. The best was him taking care of me after my surgery. Literally feeding me soup, setting up the pillows for me to be propped up while I slept, but he slept in the corner of the bed away from me so he wouldn’t accidentally hit me in my sleep (but still held my hand a few times during the night when I needed it). Did the dishes for the first few days and bought me more food when I needed it. We were talking about a mask for me to play soccer with and he said he hopes it works for my “cute little face”. I know that’s nothing, but random compliments are the best. We seem so different, but we work so well. He has a dj gig this Saturday that I’m looking forward to. He’s honestly way too cool for me. 

I should look into taking some classes at a Jc to get pre-reqs for grad school out of the way. I want to go back to school, but I’m not sure exactly what I want to do. Maybe I could become an EHS for myself. It’s not the same as AT by any stretch of the imagination, but I can help people stay safe. That’s always been my passion. 

The halls here are dangerous. There’s a bowl of tempting candy on the way to the bathrooms. I’m trying to stay hydrated today so I’m making more trips to the bathrooms. So danger. I’ve already given in today. :¥

A day in the life

Keeping this open today and just adding the thoughts in my head that make me laugh. 

  • *typing in all caps accidentally* “Why are you yelling at meeeee?!”
  • Having a DJ boyfriend has its perks… I’m getting song suggestions left and right for my work playlist

Okay so this didn’t go as planned. Maybe I’ll post them as I think of them. 

list.

  • I want to learn American Sign Language
  • I want to keep updating my wardrobe
  • I want to learn how to do my make up properly
  • I want to make new friends
  • I want my current friends to always feel loved
  • I want a tattoo or two
  • I want to learn to get my lipstick to stay
  • I want to read 20 books this year
  • I want to stop negative self talk
  • I want to go back to school
  • I want to be able to speak up instead of feeding jokes to people to say for me
  • I want to keep being happy in whatever way that means
  • Always changing, but always improving

start.

that flashing line. what to write? what to say?

I’m using this space as a place to let it out. to let my mind just go wherever it wants. finally getting my maiden name back after dealing with emotional trauma that was in that relationship and forgetting the shitty things he and his family said to me without feeling guity. figuring out what i want in my relationship with my dad, who also emotionally abused me growing up. loneliness from starting over with new friends in a new chapter of my life. learning to speak for myself when I never have before. building confidence to tell people to fuck off when they deserve it, and to do it tactfully when necessary. goals. maybe i’m funny. maybe i can do something with that. hermitting too hard due to self doubt.

i can give my opinions in a tactful way, regardless of how it will be received. arguments about politics and social issues always make me shy away. i’m a white female, maybe my opinion will offend someone. no. i am a good person with an open mind and am capable of speaking my mind. i am struggling with these discussions on facebook especially. friends are posting racist things and i respond to a point, but i just stop. should i keep arguing? should i keep voicing my opinion when the other person just obviously doesnt get it? i will stand up for black lives matter. i will stand up for women being treated poorly because they’re women. maybe i can find a meme/photo that represents me being upset because the person speaking is a moron. use my awkwardness to portray my displeasure. i just have to be able to support what im saying with words i guess.